JACKSONVILLE, FL – It’s long been known among NFL circles that Tom Coughlin has a unique approach to keep his team punctual and accountable. Simply put, Coughlin turns back every clock in the facility 15 minutes backwards and expects everyone to follow suit. Those that fail to adapt and miss a meeting arrive to their locker the next day with a fine from the man in charge. After utilizing this method for decades, it seems time has finally caught up to the original Tommy Football; as it was reported that Coughlin was 5 minutes late to a meeting with the team’s financial adviser regarding his 401k.
As for the reason for Coughlin’s tardiness, sources report he was held up in a long line at the grocery store while picking up his daily lunch of reduced fat saltines. The register’s chip reader was out of service, forcing Coughlin to run to a nearby ATM to withdraw $20 which including a $2.50 charge. Frazzled, Coughlin purchased his food and ran out saying, “Keep the change!” Despite there not being a tip jar anywhere in sight. Due to the personal nature of this meeting, many have come to Coughlin to let him know he doesn’t have to punish himself, as the team wasn’t affected. Those people don’t know Tom Coughlin. Before entering his office the next morning, Coughlin slid a manilla folder with a fine for $500 under his door so. We’re told he wanted to maintain the punctuality of the fines while also maintaining the element of surprise, which Coughlin reportedly claims makes him, “giddy.”
All money collected from Coughlin’s fine system is immediately donated to his charity, the Tom Coughlin Jay Fund. Due to the unfortunate circumstances that have brought Coughlin’s most recent donation, he will not be listing it in the exemption section of next year’s tax returns.