Coach K Has Fully Bought Into The TB12 Method: An Investigative Report

Some things just can’t be ignored. While it’s been discussed a little bit, I don’t think people really understand how baffling it is that John Calipari has now been worked by Coach K in recruiting the last two years. The same John Calipari who convinced nine top recruits to join the same team a few years back, understanding they’d split time, knowing they would not even starting multiple times over the course of a season. Make no mistake, Cal hasn’t lost his mojo, Coach K is just hitting a 5th gear in what should be the twilight of his career. There’s only one answer: The TB12 Method.

Nothing’s been said about it, and why would it? You don’t give up your secrets. Fun Fact: If you give up the secrets of your craft, you have a 85% higher chance to lose the Super Bowl. Coach K knows this. So let’s try to sneak a peek.

Exhibit A: Beating father time

Age. I always thought it was a linear progression that all human beings experience which causes the body to naturally deteriorate over time. Well fuck me, because apparently THIS is 71.

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For reference, I’ve included a photo of another 71 year old, famed actor Cheech Marin.

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Now that’s what I’m talking about.

Now let’s look at Tom Brady, a man who by all accounts (wikipedia tab on google) is 40.

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To make sure the data is consistent, let’s look at famed actor, Cheech Marin, at that same age.

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Wow.

My point? No one has any theories behind why this could be. Why is both their hair still colored? Why hasn’t it receded at all through decades of dealing with the pressures that come with a profession in sports? Furthermore, where are their wrinkles? The masses have been baffled. Certainly no medical, surgical, or scientific method could cause this. Only the TB12 method can.

Exhibit B: Uncomfortable Displays of Affection For Those Younger Than Them

This one may be a no brainer. Everyone has seen the footage of Tom Brady puckering up with his son. We will not post that here on Schoolhouse Sports because, while this is a family blog, sometimes family can be too much. Now, has Coach K ever been seen kissing his players? No. But you look at these pictures and tell me he doesn’t always have chapstick at the ready.

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Simply put. There is no logical reason to act this way in front of america’s youth. Unless of course, you’re part of the TB12 method.

Exhibit C: Affinity For White Athletes

It’s no secret Tom Brady has made sure to keep a certain level of melanin in his receiving core. Through his career, we’ve seen names like Chris Hogan, Danny Woodhead, Scott Chandler, Danny Amendola, Christian Fuaria, Julian Edelman, Wes Welker, Rob Gronkowski, and Mike Vrabel catch touchdowns. It’s like clockwork, touchdown is caught, fans wonder where the receiver found tan colored under armour, only to realize that Tom has forced his agenda for his method once again. Coach K has followed this rule to a tee as well. JJ Reddick, Greg Paulus, Kyle SIngler, Josh McRoberts, Brian Zoubek, Greyson Allen. We’ve seen it all. The one area where I lose the trail is going back to the 90’s with Bobby Hurley and Christian Laetner. Tom Brady wasn’t even around then. Unless… no…

Tom Brady and Mike Krzyzewski are the same person.

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