Kawhi Leonard Is Just Mad That No One Went To His Birthday Party

SAN ANTONIO, TX – A mystery that has confused the NBA all season, Kawhi Leonard’s frustrating absence from the Spurs, may has possibly been solved. The date, March 27, 2017, the location, Spurs Headquarters in San Antonio, a discrepancy occurred that would end up affecting the entire NBA, the San Antonio Spurs forgot to send Leonard’s birthday invitations, and at the party weeks later, nobody showed up.

Schoolhouse Sports has received this exclusive report from an insider in the Spurs Organization, and at the request of the source will remain anonymous, but will be referred to by their preferred pseudonym, King James Jim.

According to the report, Kawhi was running late to practice and asked a member of the front desk staff if they could send the invitations for his upcoming birthday party at the San Antonio Aquarium. The receptionists, never to turn down a request from a player, gladly agreed to take care of the task. Then, disaster struck.

According to King LeJim, the receptionists turned to eachother, laughed, and threw the invitations in the trash.

“Really shows how little that organization cares about its players,” King Jim said. “If I were Kawhi I would look to get out of there, join a team that will let you win, pair you with the greatest player of all time. I don’t know, its just what I’d do.”

We have not been able to confirm this yet, but we finally seem to have some answers to one of the great mysteries in the sports world today.

***UPDATE***

After publishing this article, we have received official word from the San Antonio Spurs denying this report.

“We have discussed this with our reception staff and they have a different story regarding this event on March 27, 2017. They did agree to send the invitations and, upon trying, neither of them could find the stack of envelopes, leading each one to assume the other had done it. While we don’t know what happened to the invitations, we have begun an investigation in the organization to get to the bottom of it.”

While the investigation has yet to discover anything definite, a possible lead comes from a member of the Spurs Custodial Staff who reported on the same day that the door to the copy room with the shredder in it had jammed shut from the inside. Others reported an unknown hooded figure in the arena that day, witnessed to be standing at approximately 6’8”, 250+ lbs.  

If I was running this investigation, I would start by looking at who might have been in town that day…

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