SAN DIEGO, CA – The more things change, the more they stay the same. Or at least that’s the case for those that had their names called by the Chargers on draft weekend. As each round passed, each draftee was inexplicably put on a direct flight to the team’s old home of San Diego instead of the proper landing spot of Los Angeles. Since then, matters have only gotten worse. Uber drivers have cancelled every request to make the 120+ mile commute and due to the millennial player’s dependence on technology, their attempts to hail a taxi have been ineffective. 1st round pick Derwin James is reportedly still trying to hail one by screaming, “I promise to give you a 5 star rating!” to every taxi that passes by to no avail. Frankly, this should have been seen coming a mile away once draft picks Uchenna Nwosu, of USC, and Scott Quessenberry’s, of UCLA, joint limo ride drove right past the team facility en route to LAX.
The Los Angeles Chargers are aware of the mishap and are trying desperately to right their wrong. Unfortunately, due to residual hard feelings of the team’s relocation, locals have not made this easy. The team’s charter bus has been impounded after local police pulled it over during a routine traffic stop in San Clemente on I-5 South citing that the windows were too tinted to be street legal. Every plane they’ve sent out has oddly failed inspection tests and have not been permitted to fly. Lastly, all negotiations with Enterprise Rent A Car have stalled due to age restrictions on car rentals. There is no end in sight.
In the meantime, the draftees have been relying on airline food vouchers to eat, but they are only limited to 1 ham sandwich, a side salad, and a 150 calorie bag of chips per day. More on this story as it develops.