TORONTO, CANADA – It’s no secret that the most buzz that came out of the Toronto Raptors Playoff run was the presence of famed rapper, Drake. The rapper/R&B singer/actor/producer attended every home game and did all he could to help this team from the sideline. After winning their first round matchup against the Washington Wizards, team ownership realized that the secret to their success did not lie on the court, but just to the side of it. While logic would indicate the contrary, Toronto’s front office is refusing to alter their mentality and, hours after getting swept by the Cleveland Cavaliers, they informed Drake he is no longer part of the team’s future plans.
The Raptors started their search for local talent the next day. Unfortunately, none seem to have the flair, relevance, and vibe that the team are looking for. Their first interview with Celine Dion ended abruptly once they realized that her hit song from 1997 “My Heart Will Go On” has its rights owned by Paramount Pictures. Justin Beiber was the next one to be called in, but he was excused, with the team citing he was to much of a “bad apple.” The last meeting of the day was with Avril Lavigne, however her past relationship with Nickelback lead singer, Chad Kroeger, sparked fears within the front office regarding the social media backlash that would certainly ensue. The team did have a meeting scheduled with Leonard Cohen, but he never showed up. We called Cohen’s agent for clarity and he told us, “He’s been dead since 2016.” Interesting.
Needless to say, the lack of hip hop music that is exported by Canada is a problem. There have been reports that the Raptors have reached out to Philadelphia to potentially trade DeMar DeRozan for Meek Mill, but these are just speculations. In the meantime, Toronto also has meetings scheduled with Michael Buble, Nelly Furtado, and Neil Young. The Weeknd has not received any calls.