Hot Seat? Not One Buccaneer Attended Jameis Winton’s and Dirk Cotter’s Cover Band Show

TAMPA BAY, FL – It’s not often that an NFL team releases an official statement at the start of the offseason that they are keeping their coach. Yet, that’s exactly what the Tampa Bay Buccaneers did last January after their season ended with a disappointing 5-11 record. The move ensures the starting quarterback role will be held, once again, by former number 1 pick, Jameis Winston. Struggling in the first few years behind center, historically, isn’t something that sounds off an alarm in the NFL. However, when quarterbacks like Robert Griffin III, Ryan Tannehill, Jared Goff, and Marcus Mariota are able to make the playoffs in their brief time, while Winston continues to go crabbing January after January, the leash is now far shorter. What teams like the Bucs can find solace in is chemistry between quarterback and coach, and luckily, they don’t have to worry about that. What they may have to worry about, though, is everyone else.

By season’s end, Koetter and Winston knew they had lost some of the locker room and needed a way to win them back. Then if hit them. They should start a band. In time, all the pieces came together. Fast forward to this past weekend, Winston and Koetter were preparing for their first show as a Simon and Garfunkel cover band. They called themselves Simon and Garfumble. Koetter assumed the vocals of Simon while Winston was, obviously, Garfumble. They had been practicing for months, making sure their harmonies were in tune, and in the case of Winston, learning who the band even was. During last week’s OTAs, every player came back to their lockers with an invitation to the event.

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Gerald McCoy rolled his eyes, Mike Evans crumbled it up and threw it into the trash, and everyone else pretended not to notice it. Brent Grimes did call his wife, Miko, to ask for permission to go, but was promptly denied.

Nevertheless, the duo sat backstage awaiting their names to be called followed by the roar of the crowd. If anything was going to win over a team of grown men, it was a Simon & Garfunkel cover band. “And now, the people you came here to see, SIMON & GARFUMBLE,” said the DJ. The two ran out to a crowd of… nobody. The bar was completely empty. “It’s alright.” Koetter murmured to his quarterback, “They’re just fashionably late.” Winston nodded and they started their set. They sang Cecilia, Mrs. Robinson, The Only Living Boy In New York, and The Boxer before reality set in that no one was coming. The two looked at each other in disappointment and nodded. They knew the show was over, but not without one more, fitting, song. The Sound Of Silence.

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