Mark Davis has to be figuring out what most of us have known all along. Jon Gruden is not going to work out. It takes a really special coach to isolate a key member of the organization, especially when it seems as logical as… well… paying Jon Gruden 100 million dollars to coach your football team. The only coach I can think of in recent memory that’s pulled the same stunt was Bill Parcells with T.O. on the Cowboys. If you’re really petty, you can say Ben McAdoo when he benched Eli Manning. Which I am. Fuck that guy. Fuck that Super Troopers Farva looking motherfucker.
Fuck him so hard.
Anyway, from ignoring Kahlil Mack, to showing the team tape from the 70’s, to opening his mouth in general, Gruden has done everything short of waving literal red flags at his press conferences to concern Raiders fans. The guy is getting to Trump levels in terms of perplexing me. Like I don’t give a shit one way or the other what you do. It won’t change my day to day in the slightest. But, like, I don’t know, man. Smarten up.
So, what’s going to happen? There’s no way this mega contract is structured to have minimal damage on the organization should it be terminated (don’t fact check). As a result of this, I can’t help but get unnecessarily worked up over the idea of Gruden getting traded from the Raiders again. Where would he go? I think the easy answer is the Browns. If anyone has listened to Cleveland’s GM, John Dorsey, you know he’d LOVE another brain that’s stuck in 1997. They would put astro turf in the stadium, jerseys will be hemmed for optimal midriff visibility, and all kickers and punters will have one-bar helmets. It’ll be great. But football isn’t easy, so I don’t see this happening. I think the perfect move would be trading him to the Redskins for his brother, Jay. That would be, as Corona (sponsor of Jon Gruden) puts it, my beach. Two dumb ass owners who are so in love with headlines that they treat their teams like an episode of trading spouses is exactly what I need. Should history repeat itself I want Jon in the Super Bowl the next year facing his former team. An Alex Smith/Connor Cook showdown (Jay will trade Derek Carr for a few draft picks, book it) for the ages. Jon Gruden will bring LaRon Landry out of retirement and he’ll capture the first Super Bowl MVP for a Safety since Dexter Jackson.
You heard it hear first.