Nothing Is Guaranteed With A Fully Guaranteed Contract

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Well well well, look what we have here. The savior, the final piece of the puzzle, the missing link isn’t all he’s cracked up to be. Everyone in Minnesota hates this guy. Fans, they want wins and those are nowhere to be found. Nerds, Kirk’s brethren, can’t support him anymore because, after getting the “C” stitched to his chest, he has given “Captain Kirk” a horrible name. Teammates, I’m sure they’re all buddy-buddy in the locker room, but I’d love to hear what the defense says to each other on the sideline while Kirk Cousins is on the field. Even better, what Everson Griffen says to himself in the psych ward.

Speaking of, did Kirk’s talent, or lack there of, send Griffen off the deep end? Something to think about, but probably.

And don’t even try to tell me he’s gone against elite talent. Yeah, the Rams are a juggernaut, we can give them a pass there. But beating San Fran has proven to be easier than beating a Supreme Court investigation, they tied Green Bay despite the referee’s best efforts to help them out, and they lost to Buffalo… by a lot.

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It’s just, like, what did you expect? I know he put up numbers in Washington, but he didn’t make the playoffs. Call me crazy, but that matters. I feel like everyone just felt bad that he never got a contract with them after Dan Snyder approved the salaries of Albert Haynesworth, Adam Archulta, and Antwaan Randle-El like 10 years ago. That’s not a joke, by the way. As awful as Dan Snyder is as an owner, and he is awful, I feel like people still point to those signings as examples of his ineptitude. Maybe he smartened up? Probably not, but I digress.

Kirk was never going to get the job done. He didn’t do it in Washington and as much as you can blame Dan Snyder for fucking up the Redskins, the QB not winning enough wasn’t his fault. I’m sure there are a lot of situational examples that can say I’m wrong, but football is a black and white sport, as Kaepernick has taught us, and at the end of the day, winners win. And even if he does figure it out, I’m sure they’ll have another kicker to fuck it all up anyway.

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