Very Serious Take: Jon Gruden Is A Genius

One year ago, this didn’t need a disclaimer. This was a widely accepted fact by anyone that’s watched a breakdown of Spider 2 Y-Banana. Now, the coach-turned-broadcaster-turned-coach is catching unwarranted heat for the Oakland Raiders record, on field performance, roster moves, media statements, and sex music selection.

The guy can’t catch a break. I mean, as far as his sex playlist goes, Notre Dame’s “Victory March” couldn’t be sexier. It’s almost prophetic considering that once Gruden finishes, his loyal sons are surely marching onto victory. And once they reach the end zone, you know they’re going for two, or “Deuce” if you’re so inclined (bench).

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So let’s lay off the guy who lays down sick tracks when he lays with a woman.

But as far as the football stuff goes, Jon Gruden couldn’t be playing his cards any better. People need to stop doing two things when it comes to the Jon Gruden led Oakland Raiders. 1) Stop thinking short term. Yes, this season and probably next season are going to be a nightmare, but just calm down for a second. 2) Stop thinking of the team as the “Oakland Raiders.” This team is moving to Vegas in a few years and that can’t be forgotten.

The Raiders are done with Oakland. They had a good run, Both sides worked very hard on the relationship to make it work, but it’s just not the same anymore. The dirty stuff they used to be into back in the 80’s? Those are distant memories now. They’ve grown up and can’t do the stuff they did when they were younger. Jon knows this, and he knows that he has to break up with them. The best way to do it? Make them mad. Make them hate that they ever got into this relationship to begin with. It’ll make everything easier on everyone. The Raiders will get what they want in being single and Oakland will have less to regret because of a recency bias. This move to Vegas has caused a lot of tension, fights, heartbreak, etc. The destruction of the 2018 Raiders is the proverbial water used to soften the band-aid that will inevitably be ripped off. And once they’re done, Jon and the Raiders can finally start a relationship with their sexy receptionist that is Las Vegas. It’s a love story we’ve seen time and time again, and it’s never ended poorly.

Jon is doing everything correct right now, and I’m sick of people ignoring it.

P.S. Seriously. Read the lyrics to Notre Dame’s fight song. It’s just one long sexual innuendo. Unfitting considering how low the STD rate is in South Bend.

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