I’m A New Yorker Living In Boston And I Hate Everything

Are we in the trust tree? I hope so. Because I’m going to stop being polite and start getting real. I’ve been living among Massholes for 8 years now. I know these people better than they know themselves. Mostly because they are a very single-minded bunch, so they’re easy to predict. I’ve actually been very accepting of the success this city has had over the last twenty years. I genuinely respect it, appreciate it, and haven’t had any issues with it. I know that, as a New Yorker, saying something like that deserves something worse than the electric chair. Maybe being forced to give $5 to a homeless person in Times Square is an appropriate punishment, but here’s my thinking:

Patriots – Tom Brady is the truest competitor in a world where competition is the bottom line. When you see what other athletes prioritize their lives around, how can I not respect him? Bill Belichick hates the media more than I do when it comes to canned, or pandering, or leading questions, and acts accordingly. How can I not respect that? And, I’m a Giants fan. The Pats have given me 2 Super Bowls in my life. How could I hate them for that?

Red Sox – I first became conscious of sports at the start of the Yankees dynasty from the late 90s to early 2000s. As far as I knew, at the time, it was a team built of Yankees. Jeter,  Williams, Brosius, Bernie, O’niell, Rivera, Posada, I could go on. That ended and the team, and fan base, were hooked on the heroin that is winning championships and, like the junkies we were, did anything and everything we could to get back to the magic dragon that was a trophy. We started trying to buy championships. We whore’d ourselves out to anyone willing to take our money and it’s gotten us 1 championship since. It ruined my love of baseball. That, and I also played lacrosse in High School. Rules are rules. But that’s what the 2018 Red Sox are now. Obviously Sale and Price don’t fit this idea, but Benintendi, Betts, Bradley, Holt, Swihart, etc. This team is so fucking likable and is the result of an organization that stuck to a vision. I hate to admit it, but I love that.

Celtics – I haven’t enjoyed basketball since Allan Houston, Patrick Ewing, Larry Johnson, John Starks, and Charlie Ward took the floor. I was able to enjoy the Spreewell/Camby years. But those were just residual. To avoid a rant on the Knicks, I’ll just say it’s really hard to have a contending team in the NBA today, and it’s fun getting to watch one of the few contenders, like the Celtics, regularly on TV. Or it least it was when I wrote that paragraph two weeks ago.

Bruins – I actually didn’t really get into hockey until I went to college. I blame my parents for that because they said they didn’t want to be “hockey parents” who woke up at 4am every day. Their laziness has clearly rubbed off on me considering that I’m trying to blog for a living. Whatever, I’m over it.

Aaaaanyway, I first started watching hockey as the Bruins won the cup in 2011. That was fun. It showed me how great hockey was. I’m a Rangers fan now, but I can’t hate the team that made me love this sport to begin with. They’re like a high school ex, in hindsight it wasn’t my best decision to commit to/follow. But experiencing a Stanley Cup win for a team I didn’t REALLY love was the same as when I got my first dry handy. I wasn’t fully comfortable with it all, but I kept my mouth shut and enjoyed it for what it was. It was kinda fun after all.

Fuck, maybe I’m just jealous… could that be possible?


You’re right, O’Shea. My bad.

Anyway, they say Rome wasn’t built in a day, but what Boston has done in the last 10 years or so has been seemingly instantaneous and should go down as the most impressive collection of occurrences in the history of sports. The talent all four Boston teams have been able to collect, retain, replace, and develop defies logic and it now has the potential to culminate in a complete sweep of all big 4 American sports. The thing is, and this is what I can’t stand, no one in this city is really talking about it. I don’t know if they aren’t aware of it or if success has just become so normalized that it isn’t worth talking about.

So I guess I’m not mad at these teams. I’m not jealous as they win year after year after year while I have this…


I’m really just mad at the people. These people that I have decided to live among, the people who have made me subconsciously drop the “r” when I say “your/you’re,” or “other,” the people who truly do not understand anymore how good they have it. Now, it’s one thing to be ignorant, there’s plenty of that in the world today that we shouldn’t be phased by it anymore. Many are phased, unfortunately, and I consider them as lost as any plane that takes off from Thailand or Malasya, but that’s another blog for another time. It’s a complete other thing to be proud of that ignorance, and that’s where the people of Boston find themselves now.

They consider it confidence, but that couldn’t be any farther from the truth. Confidence infers logic, and any conversation with a Bostonian contains anything but that. They have been at the top of the world for so long that they cannot fathom a life beneath it. You can look at countless Monarchs through history to know for how that works out. Knowing you won’t do that, just think about King Joffrey in Game of Thrones, it’ll save you some time and data on your family plan.

It’s insane to be surrounded by it. Every day I walk around and can’t help but be reminded of the tale of Pompeii. In turn, I can’t help but hope that this these sports teams collapse’ descends as fast as the ashes of Mt. Vesuvius. Is that too dark? Allow me to post this fitting video to lighten the mood.

I’m currently living in an episode of the twilight zone.


But instead of being the only one seeing the monster on the wing of a plane, I’m the only one who see’s the monster in everyone. It’s horrible. I scream, “What is wrong with you people!?” Only to receive a “Shut up, faggot!” every single time. It’s rude, yes, but this city is very behind the 8-ball when it comes to socially acceptable terms. I’d say “give them time,” but I think we’re just gonna have to take the L on this one.

I don’t know when this will stop. These teams show no signs of slowing down. These people have no desire to wipe the dried clam chowder from their eyes. I think I’m gonna be called a f-word (faggot) every day forever. I hate this city and I’m trying to be happy, but I’m crumbling.


All I can do is hope…

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