The Greatest Trick The Devil Ever Played Was Convincing Us The Bengals Figure It Out Every Year

That title isn’t entirely accurate. The real feat is causing us to be inexplicably shocked every year by the inept decision making of Cincinnati’s front office. I only titled it the way I did because the last sentence would’ve been too long.


As football fans are aware, the Bengals have been appointment comedy following their last game of the season for the last few years now. Be it in week 17 or the wildcard round, the consensus thinking among the general population is, “Ok, they’re going to move on from Marvin Lewis now.” Yet, without fail, within 2 days, everyone’s phone buzzes with the ESPN update “BREAKING: Marvin Lewis agrees to extension with Cincinnati Bengals through 20**.”

You gasp, look around at your coworkers who are also looking around in disbelief. You don’t even care about the Bengals, but you feel it in your gut. “Those poor, poor Cincinnati..ans? ites? Cincinnatters sounds right,” you think to yourself. “I should also stop ripping off “Anchorman” jokes for my blogs.” You probably also think. I’m not projecting, but I digress.

But this year, this year is different. It’s only week 14 and fans from that city that I haven’t spelled right the first time once have started hearing murmurs of news to come. And it’s good news too. Word is that Lewis is out, and Bengals fans are acting accordingly.


Bad news is, his replacement looks like it’ll be…


Hue Jackson.


And Bengals fans are acting accordingly.


Cue this song for the rest of the blog.

Not kidding, I thought about writing a blog about how crazy it’d be if Hue got the job next year, but decided against it because I thought it would be too ridiculous. A coach that went 0-16 immediately getting another head job is a story that every other loser like me with a blog could think of.

But that’s how we bring this full circle. Why would I, or anyone, think this move is crazy? It’s exactly in line with what Owner, Mike Brown, has done over the last 7 years, yet every year we can’t believe our eyes. Was it that we were just getting used to the idea of Marvin Lewis saving his job? Has this become our norm? I feel like we’ve finally accepted we have Stockholm syndrome, miraculously got rescued, but it was by another group that also wanted to imprison us.

The most time I’ve ever devoted to the Cincinnati Bengals was deciding whether or not I think their helmets are stupid, and that lasts about 3 minutes. I still don’t have an answer, so I’m sorry to disappoint. And now I’ve spent the last 20 minutes pondering their future.

This isn’t the life I asked for.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s