Shut Up About Kyler Murray



Stop trying to make Kyler Murray happen. Kyler Murray isn’t going to happen.

Everything I’ve seen (2 Instagram posts) says “Member of the Oakland Athletics organization believes Kyler Murray will enter NFL Draft.” This is what we’re losing our minds over? This!?

If we’re being realistic, the guy is coming off the last 4 months, in which he was the best football player in the entire country. Someone probably asked if he was considering continuing with the pigskin and he said, “I don’t know. Maybe.”

He’s just riding a high right now. We’ve all been there. Do you know how much I love my job when I’m doing well? I fucking love this soul-sucking place when I’m hitting my numbers. I come in early, I don’t bog my morning down with a bacon egg and cheese (with extra bacon), I actually dial numbers that aren’t disconnected oppose to just trying to pad my stats. The other 95% of the time? You’ll find me on the dark web researching places to play Russian Roulette before the morning arrives.

That’s what Kyler Murray is going through right now. A hot streak of bothering strangers at their desks in hopes of selling them software he doesn’t understand at all.

To pivot from chastising you, the fan, let me focus on  the player. Kyler, do you think you’re fucking Jeff Samardzija, dude? You’re not the shark. You’ll never be the shark.

I still get choked up thinking about what could have been with this guy. I’m convinced he would have gone 32nd overall to the Colts in 2006 instead of Anthony Gonzalez*, and then win a Super Bowl his rookie year. Ah would could have been, but I digress.

My point is let’s be realistic. A 6’0 running quarterback is not going to turn down a multi-million dollar signing bonus to be a trick play specialist in the league. The only teams I can see him working well with Chicago, serving as a JV version of Tarik Cohen, or Kansas City because who can’t Patrick Mahomes throw too?

Obviously it’d be great to see him split time between the A’s and the Raiders, but come on. You think Gruden is gonna waste a paycheck on a Heisman Winner? No chance. And even if he did, you think he’s gonna beat this guy on the depth chart?


Lol okay.

So let’s stop. Please stop.


A petrified Giants fan.

*I looked up Anthony Gonzalez. The guy just got elected to congress.


I heard their dental benefits are amazing. Good for you, bud.

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