Aunt Becky Is The Real Loser From The R.J. Hampton Decision

So yesterday 5-star recruit, and top 10 NBA prospect, R.J. Hampton, declared that he would not be attending college to instead play professionally in Australia’s National Basketball League. It’s an unprecedented move that has the potential to flip the NCAA upside down, which is perfect because that might make some money fall out of their pockets.


Sure, you can argue that it’s irresponsible, selfish, and the “wrong way” of doing things. I’ll listen to that argument, mainly because it’s probably being said by my grandfather and it would be rude to just ignore him like that. He fought for our country, so he at least deserves some respect.

If you want to talk about missing out on the college experience, I can understand that too. But if we’re being honest where would you rather spend a year of your prime?

Durham, North Carolina?

Screen Shot 2019-05-29 at 7.19.39 AM.png

Or New Zealand?


You be the judge.

But despite the detractors I think most people with an understanding of how the NCAA operates will walk away from this discussion thinking it’s a good move for both the individual and the grand scheme of college basketball.

Just as there are winners here, there are also losers (Sports, Baby!). Many will point to the blue blood programs and their coaches for failing to recruit like Coach K at Duke,


Kentucky’s John Calipari,


Or Arizona’s Sean Miller.


All viable candidates for the title of “The Biggest Loser,” and ones usually I’d agree with. However, just as the game of college basketball is changing so is the blame game. As a result, I have no choice but to deem the biggest loser of this whole situation none other than Aunt Becky.

Screen Shot 2019-05-29 at 7.29.43 AM.png

Aunt Becky, AKA Lori Loughlin, you may remember, has spent the last few months embroiled in a bribing scandal in which she illegally paid hundreds of thousands of dollars to ensure her daughter, and apparent celebrity, Olivia Jade, attended USC.

The good one.


Not the inappropriate one.


But imagine spending all of that money. And why? Because college is the best way to ensure success in life? I’m not so sure about that as Olivia Jade as proven followers are worth more than any currency.

Screen Shot 2019-05-29 at 7.37.43 AM.png

As you may recall, getting Jade into college was “justified” after photoshopping her into a bunch of rowing pictures, positioning her as a college athlete, which would lend more flexibility towards a presumptively low GPA. It worked, obviously, but at what cost?

Actually… the cost of revamped relevancy for a 90s actress wasting away on the Hallmark Channel… but I digress.

The point I’m trying to make is maybe these 1%’ers should reevaluate their focus on how to care for their children. As R.J. Hampton is proving, you do not need a college education or experience to be successful in life. While it certainly helps to have world class athleticism to make that happen, Aunt Becky proved being just as good at photoshop is just as valuable.

If they start sending their kids to the NBL instead of NCAA, they will have a job right out of high school, learn to manage their own money, travel the world outside of an abroad semester, and get real-world experience as an adult.

While this entire article is a big joke, I’m serious on that last point. I took theology, statistics, astronomy (twice), and a whole myriad of other useless subjects over the course of my four (and a half) years at college.

Do you know how many times I’ve used them in my daily life? Once. Just now. You literally just read the only time I’ve used those classes for anything as an adult.

So more power to you, R.J.. I’m rooting for you. And to you too, Aunt Becky. God speed.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s