I Have No Idea What The Fuck To Write About

Did you all miss me? Don’t answer that.

Ever since Hockey and Basketball ended, I’ve been lost. I would’ve written about Boston losing the Stanley Cup, but what’s the point? I’ve made just about every Boston joke I can think of on this site, and my avid reader(s) (you (guys)) would likely be disappointed at the lack of originality. And the NBA… yeah that was a missed opportunity. I chose to turn off Game 6 halfway through the first quarter to instead get yelled at by teenagers on an online video game.

Whoops.

If I was paying attention, I’d probably talk about how the NBA is such a copycat league after Klay Thompson hurt his knee after Kevin Durant did. I’d also insinuate Durant was a girl, in some roundabout way, because “KD” sounds like “Katie.”

Man, I’m good.

But now we’re in the black hole of Summer. Where you come home after a day of work, turn on the TV, and pray there’s something good to watch on ESPN. At worst, it’s highlights of the morning’s episode of “First Take.” At best, the College Baseball World Series will be on. You know there’s nothing there, but you do it anyway. It’s the exact same thing as constantly checking the fridge for a snack, even though you know it was empty the last time you checked 20 minutes ago.

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Denial is a fickle bitch.

I mean just give me some football. Or some frozen thin mints. Either or.

Anyway, in the last three weeks I’ve watched:

International Archery – USA beat China, it was awesome.

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It took place in Medellin, Columbia, which was awesome.

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Then it ended up being a rerun.

NASCAR – Honestly, I was just “Clockwork Orange’d” by my roommate on that one.

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PGA Champions Tour – I don’t get what it is other than a retirement home for old golfers, and also John Daly.

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FIFA Women’s World Cup – Genuinely enjoying it so far, not even kidding.

CONCACAF(?) Gold Cup Soccer – Canada beat Cuba 7-0 and were celebrating. It was classless and disgraceful.

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A rerun of a Week 2 Matchup between the Dallas Cowboys and Washington Redskins… from 1992 – Went to OT. Great game.

The PLL – I actually think it’s a good product, but there is no sales pitch on earth that can convince a non-lacrosse fan to watch lacrosse.

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Spikeball – it went semi-viral, but it taking place in a high school gym really hurt the brand. Spikeball on the beach is like baseball on grass. You wouldn’t play a baseball game on turf, right? Wait…

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And so on and so forth.

But something needs to change, right? I mean this whole rant isn’t unique. Most people, in one way or another, have said the exact same thing. But something needs to change.

I don’t know if it’s us that need to open our minds to other sports, or the sports that need to cater to our desires, but someone has to make the first move.

For the record, I won’t be the one to do it. Every time I try that method, I end up walking home alone with my face sticky from a margarita thrown at me. And I’m not dealing with that again.

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