The US Women’s Soccer Team Needs To Stop Trying To Play Like The Men

One of the things that’s made this World Cup so entertaining is the lack of flopping. And, beyond that, the insistence these girls show to stay up when real contact occurs. Even when a one of them goes down, play has typically carried on. It’s gritty, and I like it. So to see this call for a relative toe tap, considering the recent history, was disappointing. (call at 00:15)

I mean at the end of the day, it was a foul. I know. But not one I was proud to have.

And this… (1:09)

This was bullshit. YES, she got touched and that knock on her shin definitely is the reason she went down. I get it.

BUT, I love this team for their toughness. I loved Abby Wambach motherfucking opponents (yes, I know she’s not on the team), Hope Solo is the most intimidating athlete alive (yes, I know she’s not on the team), Carli Lloyd is a fucking tank that somehow has the turning radius of a Fiat, Megan Rapinoe kicks harder than Chuck Norris, Rose Lavelle has a bad ass dog,


So for these women to play like men is disappointing.

No exaggeration, the US Women’s soccer team is the most impressive collection of athletes in the world. Being the best team in the world, and winning the most important trophy in the sport is all well and good. But I think the way that they’ve convinced the public that they are, in fact, the standard of American soccer is far more impressive. I would know, because I was one of the assholes saying “Nah” when they said they deserved to be paid like the men’s team a few years ago.

But everything we’ve asked of them, they’ve delivered on. They are the best at what they do, bottom line. Look at any sport, the best makes the best money. Pay em. You know who else gets paid? Winners. And guess what this team does? Anyone?


Ah, Ms. Clarkson, thank you. What do they do?


Correct! I mean your grammar was horrendous, but I’ll let it slide.

Pay em.

And by the looks of it, they have. And it’s showing. It’s funny how money changes people, I guess. Start making money like a man, you start acting like him.


There’s only one thing I want to be able to say after you win your next game 7-0.


Also, get that fuckin’ bread.


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