I, like many, am not perfect. I sometimes judge a book by it’s cover. Sue me. And I’m not afraid to admit one of the biggest cases of that for me has been directed at Kim Kardashian. Now I won’t say Kim Kardashian was a book I judged, that may give her a little too much credit. I’d catagorize her more as a National Inquirer magazine I saw on the check out line at Stop & Shop.
Shit, I’m doing it again. Sorry Kim.
But for the sake of context. I viewed her as someone who was only talked about because she had a great lower body workout routine.
That wasn’t fair of me.
I felt that that famous cover shoot she was on was completely overhyped. I mean the internet is still very much not broken, for god sakes.
That wasn’t fair of me.
I viewed her as someone only famous for being in a video with a popular rapper.
That wasn’t fair of me.
If I’m being honest, none of this vitriol was due to the idea that she’s talentless and has sold her soul for relevancy. It isn’t because I do not respect her as a human. It isn’t because I think people are stupid for saying, “She’s kind of a genius when you think about it.” It’s none of that.
Honestly.
It’s really because I just don’t think we have anything in common.
But yesterday I realized how wrong I was when this picture was released.
No, not because we’re both confident enough to leave the house without makeup.
Look closer.
I had no idea Kim K was such a big friar fan. A proud institution that’s produced names like John O’Hurley,
Which isn’t talked about enough…
Janeane Garofalo,
Which actually isn’t talked about enough.
And Doris Burke,
Which is talked about ad nauseum, but it still isn’t enough.
And also me,
but I digress.
This whole time I thought if we’d ever sit on a couch together, I’d say something like…
“Ugh, traffic was a real bitch today wasn’t it?”
And she’d be all like,
“What’s…. What’s traffic. I’ve never heard of that word before.”
Then she’d dissappear in the blink of an eye because it turned out she was actually a live hologram.
Rich people always have cool tech.
It was intimidating to think about.
But now I don’t have to worry about any of that. Now it’d be like,
“What’s your favorite stat in Frairs Basketball history?”
And she’d be all like,
“That’s hard to pick. It’s either Marshon Brooks setting Big East scoring records in 2010/2011 or Bryce Cotton’s 40.1 minutes per game in 2013/2014. By the way, I’m still mad he didn’t win conference player of the year that year. Doug McDermott only got it because he was a known name. Kanye, that’s my husband’s name, thinks it was for other reasons though…”
We’d just get each other, you know?
So Kim, from the bottom of my heart, to the bottom of your bottom, I’m sorry. I never gave you a chance. Let’s go to a game sometime and talk it out.
Tickets and beers on you though.
