The US Open Is Causing Problems For Me

Yesterday was Monday. No one likes Mondays. Everyone knows that the more memes that apply to a day of the week, the worse it is.


Hilarious. And Relatable.

That’s why Wednesday has been leaning on that one Geico ad for the last 5 years.

Because it isn’t that bad of a day. But I digress.

Everyone has their own way of getting through the first day of the week. Some people drink, some people smoke, some people work out, some people dress up as animals to get out of their own skin,

hell, some people try to get into other peoples skin.


I choose to watch sports.

With the closing of the always entertaining Little League World Series, next in line for viewership is the US Open.

Last night was a first round match up between two stars of the sport, Serena Williams and Maria Sharapova.

Well… one superstar and one red star, I guess…


Two players who have been in the news in recent years for performing with foreign agents in their body, with Maria getting bopped for steroids and Serena being pregnant, of course.

But as I settled down in my couch to watch the first serve, I found myself rushing to the volume button to quiet it. Within the first return, my roommates poked their head in from the kitchen with disgusted looks on their faces.

They didn’t say anything, but they didn’t need too. They’re judging eyes screamed “Are you watching porn?” Then they slinked away.

What, you think I’m blowing off steam by watching PORN? Who would even do that?

This is just ridiculous. Here I am, supporting two women who are simply doing their jobs. Making their bones in a line of work some may frown upon. They’re working hard, sweating it out, screaming as they move their bodys to give the people what they came here to see.

How does that make you think I’m watching porn?

What, I can’t turn on a screen and watch a skinny russian girl get absolutely destroyed by a big, bla…

Wait… I see your point.

Excuse me, I got some group texts I have to send.

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