Life Advice For Andrew Luck

Hey Andrew,

Heard the news. Sad stuff. But I get it. I, too, have found myself unexpectedly unemployed. Some might point out that getting “fired” or “laid off” or “being unable to be trusted in a 9-5 cube job” are very different than leaving on your own free will, but I simply don’t see it that way.

Unemployed is unemployed.

So, first thing you need to do: Isolate yourself completely and don’t tell anyone what you’re going though. 

This is very important. Looking good to the outside world is way better than how you feel on the inside. I don’t need to tell you that, as you’re insides have been absolutely destroyed for the better part of a decade.


And you obviously know how to look good on the outside.


Under no circumstances should you update your LinkedIn Profile. Keep that top job as “May 2012 – Present” for as long as you can. You don’t want to scare off recruiters.

And drink. Drink a lot. Sure, you can go with “it’s 5 o clock somewhere.” But as long as you keep all your blinds closed, it’s always night time, which is a completely appropriate time to drink.

Next, Sign up for unemployment ASAP.

This is day 1 stuff. Log into your state unemployment website that clearly hasn’t been updated since the internet was created and fill out those forms. I know a state that elected Mike Pence to run it may not be too keen on perceived free loaders, but you have to think about Numero Uno, and I’m not talking about Pat McAfee.


Unemployment provides you a pretty sizable percentage of your salary on a weekly basis. I don’t know what Indiana state law is like for that, but I can’t imagine you’ll be struggling with a $122 million contract to input into the system.

Lastly, Know that you are stuck and can never get out of the industry you are in.

This one might sting, I know. But it’s the truth. The fact of the matter is you are 29. You have no prior experience in any other role, you’ve made your own bed, and now you have to sleep in it. Obviously leaving such a big company like the NFL may scare away some other big players in the space, but its 2019. There’s a lot of start ups out there that would be happy to take you.


So as hard as it might be, due to the heavy weight your neck beard must have, keep your chin up. You are going to be okay.

I mean that literally, you will not be “great” going forward, just okay.

If you need someone to talk too, I’m here. I’ve been there. But know there is a $200,000 per session fee for my counsel.

I have to prepare for when this job eventually catches on to me…

One thought on “Life Advice For Andrew Luck

  1. Hi,
    I enjoy your comments except for the F word. My generation found other expletives to use which did not offend. Think about it. Love you Nanny


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