And This Is Why I’m A Dog Guy

So what the hell was that all about? I turn on my TV to watch Monday Night Football and turns out I was watching Hocus Pocus on Freeform. Who the hell let Thackery Binx out of his cage?

I’m superstitious, but never the spill the salt/break a mirror/walk under a ladder type of superstitious. But despite that, I’ll admit I’ve never had a good feeling about a black cat crossing my path. I see a lot in my area of Boston that hunt rats.

Considering how unlucky my life as a sports fan has been to this point, this may be something to look into, but that’s for another time.

I certainly have a lot of questions as to how this cat stood at midfield like Terrell Owens after a touchdown. Like, how come no one was the Roy Williams to his T.O.?

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Why were there not men with big nets trying to catch this thing?

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Why have we not burned Metlife Giants Stadium to the ground to make sure we get rid of this bad juju?

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There’s just a lot I don’t know.

But the one thing I do know is that a dog would NEVER do this to the New York Giants, or any team for that matter. I’m not being hyperbolic either. We have proof that a dog would never delibrately run onto the field and make things all about themselves.

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And if they do, you better bet they have a damn good reason for it.

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But not this cat. Nope. This cat had to ruin everything. Thing was so pissy that it wasn’t it’s month anymore and went to try to take November all for itself. What a selfish creature. Party is over, cat, deal with it.

It’s clear what the Giants have to do. They have to get a live dog mascot. Clearly they can’t trust humans to keep the field safe.

Has to be a big dog too, and I know just the guy for the job. He’s recently unemployed and I’m sure is itching and scratching to get back to work.

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It seems only fair. The Browns get Odell, we get Swagger. It’s a much fairer trade than getting Jabrill Peppers out of it.

In all seriousness, I hate this cat. Not because I actually think we’re cursed, and if we are (which is very possible) it’s because of Tom Coughlin. It’s because everyone is going to point to this as the reason the Giants are terrible, fully ignoring the fact that we’ve been terrible long before this devil creature illegally tresspassed.

I just don’t want to deal with being the new cursed team. I made fun of Red Sox fans too much as a kid over their curse to handle this. It’s karma, and it’s scary.

I hate halloween.

 

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