49ers vs. Saints: The Greatest Game I Never Went Too

Spontaneity is the spice of life. It’s a motto I always live by and remind myself of every Saturday when I wake up hungover in bed and don’t move until 2pm. But that was going to finally change.

On Wednesday, after weeks of procrastination, a friend and I booked a flight for New Orleans, Louisiana to see the 10-2 Saints take on the 10-2 49ers. Hotel was (allegedly) booked, the tickets were (allegedly) purchased. Nothing could go wrong.

I was confident. Why wouldn’t I be? It’s not like my friend is worse at getting out of bed than than FDR after contracting polio, he’s very motivated. It’s not like this friend started rooting for the Saints after quitting being a New York Jets fan, he’s very loyal. I knew he had the stones to pull through.

I was right… a little too right.

I woke up at 2:45am for my 5:55am flight. Showered, shaved, dried off, realized I forgot to shave my shoulders than jumped back into the shower, dried off again, got dressed, and was ready to go.

I saw my friend texted me at 12:30am. An odd time, to be honest. Shouldn’t he be sleeping in preparation for an early wake up? So I called him up to make sure we were on the same page schedule-wise.

One ring, two rings, three rings. Finally he answered. “Digits…” (a nickname I like a little too much), he mumbled. “Sounds like I just woke you up,” I responded. “Cancel your flights.”

After 7 “Are you fucking kidding me’s” I came to the realization that he was, in fact, not fucking kidding me.

He was fighting a debilitating case of Kidney Stones. Poor guy.

I mean, everyone knows that Kidney Stones and football do not mix. It’s impossible to attend a game while dealing with such an affliction.

I wanted to be mad, but people in glass houses don’t throw stones, of any kind. So I had to deal with my new reality.

I cancelled the inbound flight on United Airlines. No refund, but credit for a year. I can deal with that. Then I called Spirit and explained to them that due to a medical emergency to my partner, I had to cancel the flight. “No problem,” they said. “Just tell us her name and we’ll be able to refund you.”

Excuse me? HER? Did you just assume that my partner was a female? The audacity!

Needless to say, when I explained that my partner was not on my flight, did not share my last name, but shared my reproductive genetic makeup, they were not impressed. A $123 cancellation fee and 2 frustration IPAs later, I was back in bed.

Cut to Sunday. I’ve made lemons out of lemonade, considering I couldn’t get my hands on a grenade on Bourbon street. The drink there would have been good too, but I digress.

I sit down with my friends to watch the Saints game, which has fortunately been slotted in my region. The ball kicks off and my friend says, “how funny would it be if this is the best regular season game in Superdome history?” We laugh, because that would be quite funny.



No big deal. Just a 48-46 game that ended on a game winning field goal as time experied. The game actually was one of the greatest I’ve ever seen. If only Drew Brees could have gotten a few more balls downfield.

Just a real bummer for my friend, who’s mind is focused on a much different kind of completed pass today.



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