So The Giants Didn’t Get The Prom Queen

When I was in High School I went to prom. Twice, not a big deal. One year I had my sights set on the most popular girl in school, let’s call her Carly Benziger. No, I wasn’t the most popular guy, but why should that stop me? I was on the varsity football team, I wasn’t losing my hair (yet), and I recently got some sick scars from shoulder surgery. Which, as far as I knew at the time, was all you needed to get a girl.

So I called my shot, told all my friends about it, and waited for my chance.

Then I kept waiting. “I’ll ask her tomorrow,” I kept telling myself. Tomorrow never came.

Because wouldn’t you know it, the day before I was totally going to ask Carly, someone swooped in and asked her instead. A new kid from Charlotte, NC that was only here for his senior year. I was blindsided.

So I did what anyone would do, I settled. I looked around the hallway and grabbed the first girl that I locked eyes with.

“Wanna go to prom with me, or whatever? Not that I care or anything.” I said.

“Uhh… Sure. Just let go of my arm. That’s my pitching arm and States are this weekend.”

I picked a softball player. God dammit.

She ended up making out with the team’s centerfielder during Fall Out Boy’s hit single “Sugar We’re Goin Down” on prom night. Appropriate song, considering what they did to each other later on at the after-party. But I digress.

My point is, this seems very similar to the situation the Giants find themselves in now. By all indications, Matt Rhule was their number 1 choice to take the role as Head Coach. They were telling all the insiders about it, hyping themselves up to finally ask their dream girl, and then they get the rug pulled from under them by someone who was just a little more motivated.

It’s heartbreaking.

Meanwhile, the funniest thing to me is where Jason Garrett comes into all of this. Rumors have been popping up since November that Garrett wanted the NYG job, and this whole time the Giants have been like “I care about you but I’m just not looking for a relationship right now.” All the while swiping through the dating apps looking for a perfect match. And he just takes it, hoping the Giants will see what he sees.


Despite Carolina playing Mr. Steal Your Girl in getting Rhule, and Jason Garrett being the Helga Pataki of the whole situation,


the Giants find themselves with Joe Judge.


Someone that was on absolutley no one’s radar. Someone who has just existed in the hallways of the High School that is the NFL. Despite his unpopularity, two of the popular kids always kept an eye on him, keeping them under his wing whenever he needed it.


And, as we all know about High School, half of popularity comes from the people you hang out with. They were enough for Joe to catch someones eye and ask if he wanted to go to the big dance.

I don’t know if the Giants are the good kids that look out for the weaker ones or losers themselves.

I just hope that Joe Judge becomes what we all want him to be. Someone who, when they take their glasses off, makes us realize that they were beautiful all along.


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