The Astros Cheating Is The Best Thing To Ever Happen To Baseball

Something weird happened last night.

I was sitting in my living room and all of the sudden the blinds on my windows opened up at the exact same time. Immedaitly after, the windows (which are always locked) swung open and a huge gust of wind went through my apartment. I ran to shut them but was pushed back by something I couldn’t see. I heard a scream and all of the sudden the windows shut, the wind stopped, and the blinds closed.

I should note that my apartment is haunted.


This happens 2-3 times a week. It isn’t out of the ordinary.

The weird thing I’m talking about happened after that.

Once I settled back in after my encounter with Beatrice, I call the spirit Beatrice, I don’t think she likes it, as evidenced by her aggressive nature, but if she found a better way to communicate that, then I’d stop. But I digress.

I flipped through the usual channels to see what there was to watch. As always, nothing appealed to me so I went to my default, ESPN, for SportsCenter.

Like many of you, I no longer like SportsCenter. Highlights have been replaced with the opinions of cringeworthy anchors who try their best to be the next Dan Patrick. But, for whatever reason, when I turned it on, they were leading into Spring Training highlights. “Oh Joy.” I ironically thought to myself.

It was the Astros vs… I honestly don’t remember. But I will find out and let you know before the blog is done. That’s my promise to you. Anyway, they cut to one of the biggest stars and culprits of this scandal, Alex Bregman, in his first at bat. Naturally, he got beaned in the back.

They were playing the Cardinals. I figured it out. It was the Cardinals. See I’m a man of my word.

Anyway, before the pitch, SportsCenter made sure to note the boo’s he was getting showered with before getting plunked. Then they cut to his second at bat and the boo’s were even louder this time. Next, a cut to a Jose Altuve at bat, the crowd is absolutely roaring against him.

So here’s the weird thing. Throughout this entire 2 minute highlight, at no point did I look at my phone. Not once. I can’t get through anything without looking at my phone. Work, a conversation, a family member’s funeral. Nothing.

The entire highlight had me completely and uterally hooked. The fans at a Spring Training game made it sound like a regular season game. Maybe not a regular season game in Boston, more like Cincinnati, but still.


The point is, it turns out people are WAAAAAY more invested this than I anticipated. Myself included. I found myself smiling as these players got hit by pitches. I fist pumped when they grounded into an out. The environment was electric, and that isn’t going to stop.

People are rooting for this team to fail more than most fans root for their own team to win. And I, for one, am truly excited to throw on as many Astros games as I can this season, just to see these players get attacked by projectiles.

So congratulations MLB. You finally did something right. You fell ass-backwards into a whole new fanbase.


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