If I Had It My Way, Saquon Barkley Would Never Come Off The Bench

Fun fact, I’m a Giants fan. When I was 6 years old, I wore a Jets Keyshawn Johnson jersey to a family event. My grandmother, god bless her soul (she’s dead), grabbed me and said, “What the fuck are you wearing? Take that off!” It was my first time hearing a swear word and also the first time I smelled whiskey breath. Needless to say, … Continue reading If I Had It My Way, Saquon Barkley Would Never Come Off The Bench

Has Anyone Else Ever Thought About If The NFL Did A Fantasy Draft?

When I was a kid (and still today in my mid-20s) my favorite thing to do in a video games was create a fantasy franchise in Madden. Maybe I wanted to see what Cam Newton would look like in a Raven’s uniform. Maybe I wanted to see if I could win a Super Bowl with an all-Caucasian team, which I did accomplish by the way. … Continue reading Has Anyone Else Ever Thought About If The NFL Did A Fantasy Draft?

I Can’t Tell If Baker Mayfield Is My Hero Or A Guy I’d Like To Punch In The Face (Which I Don’t Know How To Do)

If you’ve been watching HBO’s Hard Knocks so far you know that outside everyone’s clear disdain for Head Coach, Hue Jackson, the focal point of the series is 1st overall pick, Baker Mayfield. Now before I get going, let me be clear, I LOVE Baker Mayfield. From his first whip (this was listed as “dougey” until I googled what dance it was.) To his trash … Continue reading I Can’t Tell If Baker Mayfield Is My Hero Or A Guy I’d Like To Punch In The Face (Which I Don’t Know How To Do)

I Need To Stop Getting Excited For The Hall Of Fame Game

Well that was a waste of time.  It happens every year. I try to maintain my expectations but no matter what, when the NBC music comes on, my feet start tapping wildly like Restless Leg Syndrome is a real disorder. I always think it’s going to be like Christmas, and it is, if it was during the Great Depression and your mom couldn’t get out … Continue reading I Need To Stop Getting Excited For The Hall Of Fame Game

Where Will Jon Gruden Get Traded This Time, And When?

Mark Davis has to be figuring out what most of us have known all along. Jon Gruden is not going to work out. It takes a really special coach to isolate a key member of the organization, especially when it seems as logical as… well… paying Jon Gruden 100 million dollars to coach your football team. The only coach I can think of in recent … Continue reading Where Will Jon Gruden Get Traded This Time, And When?

Whose Dick Does Aaron Donald Have to Suck To Be A Multimillionaire?

What did Todd Gurley in 3 years and Brandon Cooks in 3 months do that Aaron Donald couldn’t do in 4 years? You’d assume a team that’s trying to really turn into the skid of tinsel town with their stud head coach and GM who should be a L’Oréal hair model would try to keep the best defensive player in the league. You might say … Continue reading Whose Dick Does Aaron Donald Have to Suck To Be A Multimillionaire?

Who Does America Root For If It’s A Warriors Raptors Final?

Well it’s done. The absurd odyssey between Kawhi Leonard and the San Antonio Spurs is finally over. In a move that would have shocked people a week ago, Leonard was dealt to half the US’s favorite country during an election year, Canada. The result is a super team of Leonard, Kyle Lowry, the ghost of Vince Carter, and Drake. What a force to be reckoned … Continue reading Who Does America Root For If It’s A Warriors Raptors Final?